This is an un-welcome feeling, like, I've been here once too many times. It's a crying of my heart and mind and body, empty. Listening to some songs from my past, bring back so many memories of a time i was lost and alone. During my high school years, i was lost and feeling alone. I was wrong. I was a teenager, though. Those were tough years of my life, always thinking about everything and everyone. I thought i was alone and i hated that feeling, and i hated everyone around me. I always thought that someone was always there to hate me, and tease me. I was just a shadow moving threw the crowd, trying my best to be notice by friends, family, and everyone. Some many times i wounder about my self, should i be a part of this "human". I hated people in school and at home. I remembering lying in my bed, and wanted to stay there forever, alone and silent. I was always that one you never expect from anything. I was just silent anger, i don't know why, Later on the years, i finally realized i was anti-social. That explain alot to me. When i was grade 11, i meet a girl. I wasn't too sure why she liked me or why i liked her. So, that about to change me about everything about it. It's staying in the dark, and finally a light got me. I thought there was more to than i know. I asked her, why she liked me. She, said i'm nice. Then that was eye opener for me. Something warm came from my body and soul. I hated you, and everyone around you. But, realizing that i wasn't a bad person, on the outside. Someone noticed my kindness, i thought that just nothing, but later on it became more and more. This attention was addicting. I was a kid in the candy store, wanting this and that and more. More i got to know her and she got to know me. I became more comforting with this feeling of kindness and I liked being kind. Brings joy to me and to everyone. I notice walking though those halls at high school. I was happy, and i'm sure everyone noticed it. I change. I got alot of friends and got to know more family. So, me and her got into a fought, and that the end of it. But, that made a difference in my life. More and more i got to know everyone and everyone got to know me. It's amazing how much your body remembers your old self, cause you grew up like that as a kid. So, i moved to winnipeg................. before i knew it, i missed everyone back home.... opened my eyes in the morning, i'm living in the different planet and world. Getting up, no one was there, a empty house. I could feel my darkness trying to engulf me again, and it did. I looked so different and acted so different. It's like i feel a newer dark that become of me. This is the next level of hate and anger before i meet her. I remember sitting alone in the living room of my house in winnipeg, staring at the empty side of the house for hours and thinking of depressing things. Mostly regrets, and sad times. Many times, i buy a bottle and drink it alone in that house. I such a wreck there. I didn't wanted to be there, and feeling like that again. I thought i was over that feeling, i thought i grew out of it. Once again i was that shadow in university. I remember at many night, i cry and cry. Same feeling, i had before i was in high school. I would loook in the mirror and not recognized me. I see the dark in my eyes. I thought something wrong with me mentally. I confess my self i was mentally different than everyone else. I feel something was missing in my head. I even told how i felt to my passed away grampa. When i did i felt alot of weight off my shoulders. Again that eye opening feeling, that light. I noticed that nicole was there online chatting with me alot, i felt good again. Of course, we grew onto each other. Finally i was done with winnipeg, i was home and got back onto that feeling of happiness. That summer, I grew so much. I realize that what i do effects everyone. I noticed that a part of becoming a man. Wait... I'm becoming a man. This one of those feeling that hits you in the face and beyond that. I started to act more man. Thinking of everyone and kind to everyone. What i learned from my grampa's death is kindness. He was so nice. I was superman, at the top of the world. Then an other thing hit me, literally. Once i got hit from a drunk. I realized that i could get harmed from everyone and anything. I scared to go for my walks and out. My pride shatter from his fist. I was angered and confused again. I didn't know what to do, on that day. I remembering i was getting mad in the shack, hitting everything, and then i cried. I also i went to a friend of mine, i said to him. I want you to do something about it. he didn't of course. I was that angry about him. I thought i'd be that hateful. days pasted, i clam down. I realized that i was being human. So, that's a cool feeling. I also i got to know who were my friends more, cause they showed their cheering up mode to me. I felt good again, but it took a while. By the end of that summer i got nicole into my arms. An other part of becoming a man. Ever since then, i grew more and more. I become some one i have always wanted, me. I'm a nice person and kind. If there's one wish, i'd never become people fulled with hate. I want to be this nice person, super man.
Up until now, all my past events, had prepared me for life and far beyond. Everything that happened to me love, heart-broken, lost, confused, and emptiness, I'm glad it happened to me. I'm happy it did, otherwise, who knows where i be right now.

This brings an end of the my childhood and teenager life.

Onto my new chapter in life, man-hood. What i see in my future, a place call home, a wife and kids. This what i want in life.

Thank you for reading this. This go out to the ones, i love out there. friends and family, i miss you all. Bye